I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
