ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
