she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
