I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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