My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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