I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i love accidental penises.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
