I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
