Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
