I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
