Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize