he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize