I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
