Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
