Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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