I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
