I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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