I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
