They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
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