And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
