Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
