Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
