Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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