If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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