I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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