Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
