Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
