No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
