what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
