cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
