just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Randomize
