at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
