we have pet lesbian snakes
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
i think my cat just said my name.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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