Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
