respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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