His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Mom said you looked used
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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