Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
