you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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