watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
