so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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