There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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