My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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