her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize