I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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