It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
