ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I deserve this hangover.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
