i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
