all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
