Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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