You really coming over, don't trick.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
