dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
