were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
