Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
