Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
