I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
How's work?
Spinning.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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