ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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