come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Randomize
