I want to make a zoo with you.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
