We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Omg I joined a choir last night...
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
