Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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