I faked an abortion last night.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
