So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
