You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
