It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
