at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
