it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
