he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
