the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
