Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
