I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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